I have written much about the helpers and my dislike of the mentality that often develops around having one. I must let you know that after finding no other options for our dogs in the summer when the kids and I return to the States we hired a helper two months ago. After sending the dogs on two occasions to the kennel and both times having Oso come home and throw-up for three consecutive nights before he could finally get rid of a rag he had swallowed I knew that wasn't an option for seven weeks. I tried to find a part-time helper that could live with the dogs in the summer, but that fell through. With Dave's convincing we decided this was the best option for the dogs.
Mary Ann has been with us almost two months now, and I still struggle with the concept everyday. She is very nice. She does all of the cleaning, she irons Dave's shirts, cooks when I am out of town and walks the dogs occasionally. I still do all of the laundry, cooking and take the dogs on several walks daily. It has been a struggle to get her to understand that I am still going to do these things and that she needs to let me do them and not try to take things out of my hands (literally). I have had to tell her on several occasions that this has been my job for many years and I still need to have something to do.
If I am being honest with myself, part of the struggle is a control issue on my part. I can't find any other explanation for the fact that it upset me so much when I came home to find her emptying all of mine and Dave's drawers, refolding the clothes and putting them back in the drawers in a different order. This was after I had already asked her once not to do this when I found her doing it in Grace and Meg's rooms.
I have only had someone clean my house on a handful of occasions throughout my life. Other than the ladies my friends hired to clean my house after Meg was born I was never satisfied with the job they did. I've always felt that I can do a better job and it wasn't worth the money. Mary Ann does a good job of keeping the floors clean and the dusting. She also kept the bathrooms and kitchen "wiped" down. I just had to talk to her about this though as she was using the same rag in every bathroom, every day for a week without washing it. She now uses Clorox wipes. She was also using the same rag in the kitchen all week long. It would never dry out. I would try to throw the kitchen rag in the wash at least every other day. However, after watching her wipe up chicken juice with it and then wiping the rest of the kitchen I couldn't take it any longer and asked to her please just use paper towels.
As I said, I still do the cooking. I find that without having to clean the house everyday I actually don't mind cooking. I have plenty of time for it. At first she insisted on staying in the kitchen with me. Every time I set down something she was picking it up to clean or put away, whether I was done with it or not. Also, the kitchen is tiny and I felt like she was constantly on top of me and looking over my shoulder. I understood that part of the looking over my shoulder was that she was trying to learn how I cooked, but it got to be too much. I now ask her to let me use the kitchen every time I cook and I have to ask her to stay out until we have all had a chance to make our plates. Now, my mother always taught me to clean up my own mess in the kitchen when I made something. I still try to do this, but she ends up cleaning whatever pan or pot is left when we are done scooping our meal. Even though I have told her that the kids are still to take care of their own dishes, she inevitably ends up taking them out of their hands most of the time. I was very proud of Meg the other night when she told Mary Ann, "No, I'll do it."
Initially, if I was carrying the water jug up or bringing the dogs water bowl to the sink to fill it she would try to take it out of my hands. She has gotten better about this. She still tries to walk behind and immediately pick things up that we set down. Just the other day I set a grocery bag next to my wallet while I ran up to grab something I'd left upstairs before walking to the store. When I came down 30 seconds later I couldn't find the grocery bag. She had put it away.
She asks everyday if she can make me lunch, everyday I say I am all set. She asks if I am going out. PJ and I have had to ask her to leave our rooms in the morning so that we can get dressed. All of this contributes to my struggle. All who know me know I am a very independent (I choose independent rather than stubborn) person. Therefore all of this contributes to my struggle.
I will say that it has helped with getting the kids to immediately put their clothes in the laundry basket. If they leave them on their bedroom floor she folds them like they are clean clothes. Then they have to figure out what is clean and what is dirty.
Dave doesn't struggle with the idea of the helper near as much as I do. Part of it is that he isn't home all day. Part of it is that he doesn't mind having someone bring him his coffee every morning or take care of his dishes.
I know that this is an adjustment for her as well. She has worked for two other families and I know the last family had her do everything.
I'm still looking for other options though. I just don't know that I can ever get used to it or that I want to get used to it.
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