One thing I was not expecting when we moved here was the number of people who remain expats for very long periods of time. I came into this thinking that most people take an expat assignment for 2-3 years, like we intend to do, and then return to their home country. While this is true for some, this is not the case for many. Many of the expats in Hong Kong have been here for many years or else they have moved throughout Asia, but have not returned to their home country for many years. One couple we are friends with has lived in Asia longer than they lived in the U.S. with most of their years being here in Hong Kong. We have had four boys, all U.S. citizens, stay with us on home stays. Two boys came from Singapore and two from Shanghai. All four had spent almost all, if not all, of their lives in Asia.
After talking to many different people I understand why many people choose to remain expats. The expat life is so different from our lives in the States. First of all, most expats do not have to pay for their rent, or if they do, they only pay for a portion of it. Many don't pay for utilities, cars or car insurance. Again, if they do, it is only for a portion of it or their pay is increased to account for these costs. This gives them greater financial freedom. In many parts of Asia, expats have helpers and often times drivers. This means fewer responsibilities around the home. It also means parents have greater freedom to go out and do things without kids in tow.
Many people grow to love this and don't want to return to a life without these perks. I have especially seen this in families that come over with young children or families who came with no children and had their children while living here.
My kids have always been active in sports and various activities. I have always spent many hours driving kids here and there, watching practices and games, etc. My days have always been centered around the kids and their needs and taking care of everything on the home front. Our weekends have always been centered around kids' activities and family time. This was the life I chose and the life I enjoy. Expats get used to a very different life. Many don't shuttle the kids around, they send the helper to do so. They don't need to cook meals, clean or do laundry, except when they choose to do so. I have made it to almost all of the kids' games here. The only exceptions being when one of the other kids has had a conflict. Dave has made it to many of them. There are typically only a handful of other parents (always less than half of the team). This is quite unlike my experiences in the States. I asked a friend whose son was on the baseball and basketball teams with PJ and who attended all of the games with me why she thought this was the case. She has been here for four years and is returning to the States at the end of the school year. Her theory is that the expat parents get used to so much "me" time that they don't want to take the time to go to these games. Now some of the games are early and I know there are many cases where both parents are working, but that doesn't account for the evening or weekend games.
I have talked to several people who bring their helpers on vacation with them or back to the States with them in the summer so that they don't have to do everything on their own. I struggle tremendously with this mentality. I know one family that just moved back to the States at Christmas and brought their helper with them. I know of another family that is struggling with a job offer in the States because it would require leaving the helper. When you hear a child say, "Why can't their helper do it?" you realize that the "reality" in which these kids are being raised is so different from the norm. I am glad that we moved here with older kids so that they have a better understanding of the fact that this is not how most people live.
I do think that it is difficult to strike a balance of keeping your kids grounded and avoiding much of the "priviledged attitude" while keeping them in a place where they will still be comfortable. I hope that PJ, Grace and Meg come out of this experience not only understanding more about the Chinese culture and the many other cultures they encounter, but also understanding how different the expat culture is and how important it is to find a balance in life.
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