Perspective

I was on a hike with a friend the other day.  Towards the end of the hike we ran into a friend of hers.  Both have kids at Princeton, so they were talking about their recent trips back to the east coast.  Both women have been here for many years and all of their children were born here.  The other woman was talking about how happy she was to be home and how much more "orderly" things are here than back in the States.  Now she was mainly referring to New York City as that is where most of her experience with the States is.  Her recent visit happened to coincide with one of the recent snow storms that hit the east coast as well.  As I was listening to the conversation I was immediately struck by how it is all about perspective.

Both of this woman's children have gone to college in States and the oldest is now working for Teach for America in the Bronx.  She went on about how difficult it must be for all of the kids from here going to school and living there because everything here is so much more orderly.  She talked about how her daughter's work load kept increasing, but thankfully now some other teachers were speaking up about the increase and hopefully something would be done about it.  She also talked about getting around New York City and how difficult it was.

First I will talk about getting around New York City.  I don't have as much experience with this as some of you who will read this, but I do have a fair amount of experience with it.  I have even done it with four very young kids.  While the public transportation my not be the cleanest I've been on, I actually find it pretty easy and for the most part pretty "orderly".  I know it is more difficult with snow on the ground, but that doesn't usually last for long.  Also that is not the norm.  I'm sure at rush hour there can be some pushing and shoving, but typically I think people wait for those getting off a train or bus to get off before they try to get on.  Not always the case here.  The other day I was getting off of a minibus and had to step around someone getting on as they wouldn't wait till I came down the last step.  This is a frequent occurrence on the MTR despite the constant announcements to allow the people on the arriving train to get off before boarding the train.  Doesn't seem very orderly to me, but it's all perspective.

As far as the increased work load and the daughter not speaking up for herself, well that goes to something I have noticed about the Chinese culture.  This woman was Chinese.  Now I know her kids went to the same school mine attend, so they did not grow up in the local schools.  Because of this, I would've thought they would be a little more used to advocating for themselves, something that is not taught in the Chinese culture.  They are very much a society of rules and "play books" and they follow these very strictly.  They are not taught to think "out of the box" at all.  They do not know what to do if something doesn't follow the rules or the "play book" they've been given.  We have seen this in our dealings with the local banks and Dave sees it at work all of the time.  A perfect example is our purchase of Kaylin's plane ticket to come out and visit.  Cigna will pay for Kaylin to visit us twice a year.  They will only pay for economy class.  The difference in price between the economy class and the premium economy class was very little, so Dave asked them to book the premium economy and told them we would pay for the difference in cost.  He was told they could not do this.  They would only pay for economy.  He went round and round with the ladies in the travel department before finally having to go to the head of the department for approval.  Our paying for a portion of the ticket wasn't in their "play book" so they didn't know what to do with that.  I can see how a local would find things always going by the rules or "play book" to be a very orderly thing.  Those of us from the States find this to be a pain in the butt most times.  I'm told this is very common in all Asian cultures.  If they are trying to get from point A to point B and have been told to go a certain way, that is the only way they will go even if there is a faster way and they know it is a faster way.  In the perspective of a local, this is orderly.  In my perspective, this is failing to use common sense.

Now this woman I was listening to is very well off.  She probably has had a helper her whole life, or at least her adult life living here (I'm not sure if she is originally from here).  Many people who have helpers and drivers never go shopping or drive anywhere on their own.  Which brings me to another area where I do not find Hong Kong to be more "orderly" than the States.  I have mentioned people cutting in front of me in line at the grocery store before.  This is something that has never happened to me in the States.  Now there have been times other than grocery stores where I have had someone cut in front of me in the States.  Most times it's an honest mistake because they don't realize where the line began and as soon as you point it out they apologize and move back.  Here they look you in the face as they are cutting in line and force their way, very much aware of where the line begins.  The other thing that has happened to me three times in the past week is the person in front of me leaving their shopping cart blocking the cashier aisle when they are done emptying it and paying for their groceries.  They just expect someone else to take care of it.  One woman watched as I had to take care of her cart so that I could get mine in a position to unload my own groceries.  It didn't faze her in the slightest.

Lastly I will talk about walking down the street, sidewalk or path.  I know I have mentioned this before as well. Not everyone is great about staying to one side or the other in the U.S., but for the most part people do not take up the entire street, sidewalk or path and not allow room for someone walking in the other direction to get by.  Having just been in London and Amsterdam, both big tourist cities, I can say that this is the case there as well.  Not the case here.  It is a giant game of chicken no matter where you are walking.  Another aspect I find to be less "orderly" than in the U.S., but again, it's all about perspective.

Having spent nearly 43 of my 43 1/2 years in the U.S. that is obviously the culture with which I am the most familiar and comfortable.  Perhaps after several years here all of the differences would become second nature to me and I wouldn't think anything of them.  It was just funny to hear someone refer to this as more orderly than the States.  When I mentioned the conversation to Dave and Grace they both found it funny as well.